I'm reading This Lovely Life by Vicki Forman for the first time this week.
So far it has really made me evaluate where Kendall is, and where I (honestly) am in this whole process of raising a child with special needs.
I think my mood changes still...daily...depending on how each day goes for Kendall. God knows we have our good days, really good days, and our tough ones. I am really trying to live in the now with her.
If there is one thing I've learned from Kendall, it is to just be still. As the world rushes by, and Christmas cards of kids Kendall's age standing, running, etc...fill up my refrigerator door, I look at her, that very special smile, and I'm reminded to love her for who she is. Right now.
I believe she is changing a lot of lives that way.
Here's an excerpt from the book that really touched me.
There was a time when I said, "The day I get to hold him will be my big payoff." And I believed it and meant it. That day has come and gone- like the day he came off the vent, the day he started on breast milk, the day I heard him cry-and I'm putting new goals out there as fast as the old ones are met. I've relished all these moments, but they haven't made me complete. The day he starts talking? Walking? Can write his name? Read? When Josie {her oldest daughter} was born, I enjoyed holding her and loved her infancy and was in a hurry all the while for the days she could accomplish the things I thought would make me happy: hold a toy, crawl, sit up, take steps, say a word. It's so difficult to love another person and yourself for who they are and not what they do or who they could be. To stay in this moment and know it in all its pleasures and its pain. The world is a beautiful place. How often do we say this aloud?
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6 comments:
Vicki is an amazing writer and more importantly an amazing,amazing momma.She and her sweet Evan hold a very,very special place in my heart.And,from what I can tell,you also.Hope all is going well with you and your beautiful family in your very own beautiful place.
I have to get this book.
Thank you for the wonderful mention. Sending good thoughts to you and your beautiful family this holiday season.
My daughter had therapy today and I was talking to another mom and she said she keeps thinking "when things get back to normal" and I told her I knew what she meant and it's so hard to think that all these Dr visits, therapy sessions etc... may be our normal for a long time and the old "normal" is gone forever! Thank goodness I don't have 4 other kids at home like she does!!!!!
Jocie, your strength and love continue to inspire me and give me such peace. I read your posts regularly to keep up with your beautiful family, but to also gain strength from your strength. I wish you and your special family a Very Merry Christmas!
Thank you for this post today! Truer words have never been spoken.
I needed this today. Today I had my 2nd ever total meltdown. I've had many mini meltdowns, but only once before where I just crumble and sob. Today I just cried and felt that desperate longing wanting Chloe to talk to me and tell me why she was being fussy. I wanted to have money like we used to have before I had to quit my job and every extra cent goes to medical bills. I wanted Chloe to enjoy playing and to eat better. Everything I think I want I mourned for today. In my heart, I knew it was wrong, but it just had to come out.
But I needed this reminder from you and this lovely writer. I don't love Chloe for what she can do/accomplish. I love her because she is Chloe, my lovely daughter, such a special spirit. I need to be still and enjoy this moment.
Anyway I'm rambling. Just know that this touched me and was what I needed. Thank you thank you!!!
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