So over the holiday weekend I did a lot of soul searching. Guess most of it was done while drinking wine and decorating my entire house inside and out (by myself) for Christmas. I'm not a huge holiday decorating person. Honestly, I couldn't care less if we even had a tree up...but since I do have two children, it's not really all about me :) So I sucked it up and got into the attic, sorted through all of our holiday junk and decorated the stinkin house. (with a happy heart of course)
The little twinges of anger about Kendall not being "normal" always sneak up on me around the holidays. This one was a little harder than the last few because we're in a new ballgame now. I'm angry at myself for not celebrating her life more when we didn't think she had anything progressive. For not living in the moment and being thankful that things weren't worse. For complaining about her inability to sit unassisted, or hold her head up for a picture...it seems I was always wanting her to do more or work harder.
My mindset of finding Kendall equipment, or adapting things to work for her and enable her to enjoy life hasn't changed. I still plan to do all of those things. But the way I view life has changed. Between my mom's Cancer and Kendall's newly found Mitochondrial disease, I've been reminded that there are things in life way outside of our control. I choose to live my life happy. Worrying and complaining and seeking out an unattainable rainbow makes you miss the little things. Moments like Kendall grabbing a banana off her tray and taking it to her mouth. Or Kamden teaching himself a new song on guitar in his room where he thinks nobody can hear him. I want to pay more attention to those everyday things and live in the moment. I can do it. It will just require me to change the way I think about things in order to break old habits.
We had a family trip to the zoo...and loved it. We went to a friend's house for dinner...and Kendall got lots of attention. I've decided not to let this latest diagnosis define us. If anything, it has instilled in me a desire to do more as a family and spend more time enjoying Kendall. Just the way she is :)
I have a meeting today with the school district regarding Kendall's upcoming birthday and transistion out of ECI and into PPCD. Should be interesting. Oh, and a marathon this Sunday...should be even more interesting! Wish me luck!