Friday, December 11, 2009

More Appointments

We have a lot of Dr. appointments. Each time we enter a specialist's office, I secretly have a knot in my tummy.
I have the drive down to a science. I used to get confused in the parking garage. Now I know all the secrets and shortcuts. We've been at this a while now. I know which handicap doors operate properly, and which ones are always broken. I'm on a first name basis with most of the front desk people. We know the regular volunteers by name too.
But no matter what, that familiar sick feeling returns in my belly each time we open the door. I guess it's a fear of another diagnosis, or something they missed earlier.
Whatever it is, I want it to leave forever. I hate being a worrier, but I can't make it go away.
The Geneticist appointment went well. No new news. That's good. The Endocrine appointment went well too. All appointments are now spacing out. That's good too. So, why is that feeling still in my belly???
Kendall is doing great. Her vision has improved a ton. She has a new "trick" that gives me a tremendous amount of hope for her. (I will post a video as soon as I am successful capturing it!)
She's smart. Yes, smart. She knows what she wants and she knows how to get it. She knows her routine and anticipates the next step. If you waiver from that, she's resistant. She listens. And now talks back. She's turning into a little girl from a baby. I couldn't be happier with her cognitive progress. Or her sleep pattern now.
But I have this yucky, nagging, when-is-the-ball going to drop feeling in my tummy. That I hate. And I want it to go away.


Cjengo said...

I understand about when things go well you wait for the other shoe to drop. I had a dream about Kendal last night, and she was running around and playing.

Candace said...

Jocalyn, I know that feeling so well. It is a nasty side effect of bad diagnosis. I still live with it, every day of my life. It is not as bad as it was in the begining, though.