Friday, February 5, 2010

Sunshine After the Rain

We have had a number of really gloomy days here of late. I can't stand it. I can't run in it. I can't take Kendall out for walks. I can't get my stupid dogs to use the potty outside when it's cold and rainy. I hate the rain. And I hate the cold.

Yesterday my phone pooped out and I had to head to the mall area where they could repair it. I used to hit all the large department stores and mall areas daily when I was working. Most of my accounts were in or around the best shopping centers in Dallas. Needless to say, I shopped a lot and was really up on all the latest everything. Yeah. Not so much anymore. I feel like I have no style AT ALL. I don't even know the latest tunes on the radio. Music used to get me through the day. Now the only new songs I hear are on commercials or background music while watching tivo'd The View's or Chelsea Lately's. Kendall has monopolized my radio on drives to appointments! I'm turning into a nerd.

Anyway, I had to kill time while waiting for my phone to get fixed. I stopped by the Gap to see if they had any good sales. Bad idea. I felt completely out of the times walking through there. Reminded I need some point...get back to a pre-baby body. And everything in my closet is out of date. Blah. Anyhow, looking through baby clothes was even worse. I saw a super cute pair of golashes with polka dots. Then I lost it. I literally stood there and cried. My sweet Kendall can't splash around in the rain. She's almost two and can't roll over on her own. She can't wear those boots and enjoy the things most kids her age do. I don't have a job anymore and can't buy anything I want. It sucks. And its not getting any easier and that pisses me off. Bad.

But today we had some sunshine. Now I feel a little better. I hate that I still go through these types of weeks. I have a ton to be grateful for. I know that. And I get very frustrated with myself for these feelings. I also know myself well (obviously.) I know that even if Kendall were completely healthy and I had a job, I'd be complaining about not having enough "me" time or having to work harder some days and not being able to spend time with my kids. I'd probably be griping that she was getting into everything and I was always picking up toys or something. I don't know. It's all relative.

We have to play the cards we're dealt, I guess. So I will. Speaking of good friends are all in Vegas this weekend. I'm sad I couldn't be there...but hope they are safe and win lots of moola.

My friends are amazing. I love them so dearly. I couldn't get through a month without our bunco nights or girls night outs. Thank you girls for loving me even though I've been such a flaker lately!! I promise to snap out of this funk at some point :)


the fishers said...

Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are in an impossible, bring you to your knees, gut wrenching situation. Daily. You truly inspire me and help me to never, ever take days for granted. So cut yourself some slack for wishing for those dang galoshes or better yet go buy some for yourself, drink a bunch of wine, grab your hubby, and go splash around in those pudlles all by your lonesomes! You definitely deserve it.

Candace said...

It's ok, Jocalyn. Don't beat yourself up. We are all out there with ya! I found a cute pair of hello kitty shoes the other day in Faith's real size. She loved them and begged for them...but they wouldn't fit with her braces and we had to leave them behind. :0( I feel the same way sometimes.