The entire neighborhood is outside right now. Literally right in front of my office window, sledding down a big hill and climbing back up. My son is one of those kids. Justin's out there too with Chloe. They're running around and throwing snow balls.
Meanwhile, I'm inside with my stuffy nosed child with special needs (as well as my old dog with arthiritis and cataracts) looking through the window at all the happy people.
I haven't had a moment like this in a while. They do seem to be spacing out. But it just makes me sick to my stomach and tears well up in my eyes. Why can't Kendall be out there? Why does she have to have Cerebral Palsy? Why can't we put her on a sled in a laundry basket, pull her around the yard and snap pictures of her smiling and squealing and enjoying the snow? Why does MY daughter have to have a seizure disorder, a comprimised immune system, a sensory processing disorder? An aversion to cold things and bright things? WHY WHY WHY?
And to all the people complaining on Facebook about how ready they are for the ice to melt so their kids can get out of their hair...stop. At least your kids can walk. And talk. And play in the $#!* snow. And don't pull their hair when someone laughs or claps.
It just freaking sucks. Big time. And don't tell me to count my blessings. I do everyday. I'm just having one of those days. And as my friend Chelsea Handler once said. "When life hands you lemons, squeeze them into your vodka." Except I don't have any vodka and my car is stuck in the driveway.
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6 comments:
I know what you are saying and I too have been there and it does suck.Last year For the first time I took Finnian out in the snow well I didn't have much of a choice as the other 2 were driving me batty all I could hear "its because of Finnian we can't go" My heart sank I just pulled it together and started putting layers on him and put him in the jogger and took off for the hill with the 2 and sled in tow. I even put him on it down the hill. I was nearly in tears when he signed "more". This year we were able to just go out on the street and I pulled him down the street with him hooked up to oxygen and a pulse ox. On his birthday all the schools were out and there was too many people on the hill for him to go safely and he was mad. I was sore from pulling him over the mounds of snow and scared shitless that I would slip and fall. But you know it took me 5 years to throw caution to the wind and just go with it. My mother told me I was stark raving mad to take him out and I needed my head examined may be I do but for that moment he was Finnian the 5 year old not Finnian with .................. Oh yeah he was sick that night (throwing up) but for 5 mins he was like every other child out there.
Hang in there love you are doing a great job with your Princess
I think in order to have our "good days" we have to allow ourselves to go through the grit and crap of the reality of having sick children...there are days it just hits me like a freight train and I cry and feel angry and want to give up....and after I allow myself to feel those things in that moment, its a release and I am able to find joy again.
Hope you have a moment tonight to have a glass of wine(or vodka)...and then let go of the crappy day...when I do the same, I'll be thinkin about you!
hugs...
You have all these days you want....I have some for you sometimes too. I hope you can feel me stomping my feet for you and hear me yelling "IT'S JUST NOT FAIR, DAMNIT". I know I say this SO MUCH but I REAAAAALY wish we lived closer. I'd be delivering you some vodka right about now!!! Lots of love to you guys.
I wanted to take Wade out in the snow and have a "moment", but the thought of holding him up and trying to balance while walking in snow that is covering ice was just too exhausting. I can't imagine how I would've felt if I had actually done it!
I'm feeling the same this week. We are stuck inside because I'm too scared being out there will cause one or both of my tiny babies to have a meltdown. But today, I guess I am going to give it a try! Sorry you are having a rough week! To bad they don't deliver alcohol with pizza!!! Now there's an idea ;)
When I read you posts I feel like you read my mind. It even hits harder since we received some news on Landons skin biopsy. If you could email me or call me, I would really appreciate it! No rush of course. Xoxo,
Heather
Hrkovalski@yahoo.com
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