I have been a horrible blogger. I haven't kept up with my blog AT ALL. Nor have I kept up with any other blogs this week. It has definitely been one of those weeks.
For one thing, I have been completely emotionally spent with Corey's passing. I never imagined it would have affected me this way. I cried more tears this week than I have in my entire life. A healthy three year old boy taken too soon from his loving family is incredibly hard to comprehend. For me personally, it hit home in numerous ways. For one thing...I have a healthy son of my own...a child who completely changed my life unexpectedly at a very young age. The thought of something so sudden and tragic happening to him chokes me up. The things I have taken for granted with him, I never will again. So, watching Corey's mom Courtney make so many impossible decisions this week was life altering to say the least. Of course, it hit home too with our precious baby Kendall. The man conducting the service on Thursday night is the Chaplain in the ICU at Cooks. This man literally held my hand during some of the worst hours of my life. The reminder of our horrible week, a week when Kendall was unconscious and facing the very real possibility that she wouldn't make it, all came flooding back to me. No mother should have to face losing a child. But with Kendall (and I'm sure many mothers of medically fragile children feel the same way) Justin and I actually hope to outlive her. Our minds have been somewhat prepared for that. Although we don't know what the future holds for Kendall, we do know her complicated issues aren't going away. The thought of anyone other than us being responsible for her care is a difficult one. I think I had been hiding those feelings up until this week. This week I've been thinking a lot about that. It has drained me physically and emotionally.
I have to say that Corey's family has handled things with such grace. I am in awe of the way this family pulled together. Obviously this little boy has changed many lives.
Justin has been out of town and Kendall hasn't been sleeping at all. Fortunately today Nonny and Poppy offered to keep Kendall. Kamden and I dropped her off late this morning and have been spending the day together. We ran a few errands, then saw Alice and Wonderland and went for sushi. Now we plan to cuddle in bed and catch up on all our tivo'd reality tv. Then.....sleep!!! I don't plan on doing laundry or housework until late tomorrow. Sleeping, reading, watching movies, and relaxing is in my near future. Thank goodness!!! (and Nonny and Poppy.)
The weather has been beautiful here, so hopefully early tomorrow Kam and I can take Cooper to the park for a run. Then, by the time Justin gets back into town and picks Kendall up, I will be back to my human form. (and not the crazy, emotional, stress-monster I've been all week :))
I promise to blog this week about the exciting Music Therapist and new Speech Center that will join our weekly agenda with Kendall. And, the latest Kendall accomplishments!! Goodnight!!
This week, I tried to see his future
4 hours ago