Acceptance...

It dawned on me this morning (no pun intended...)

I've learned more from this 21 pound bundle of love than I have anything else in my life.

Really.

I've had a pretty sheltered life... I mean, sure...I lived through a divorce, and survived as a single mom...(there were some definite dark days in there when I thought I wouldn't make it) But all in all, pretty sheltered.

Before Kendall, I was always a go-er. I rarely sat down. I couldn't go to sleep at night if my house wasn't in order. If I had down time, I usually already knew how I was going to fill it. I used to hate an empty house. In the car I couldn't drive out of my driveway without picking up the phone to call someone. I had my days and evenings planned weeks in advance. I kept a to-do list with every single detail of my day and took joy in crossing things off the list. I (can't even believe I'm going to admit this...) bought a new outfit any time I had plans to do something. Seriously. I did. I spent way too much time picking out clothes, shoes, jewelry, etc... Oh, and I thought about myself...a lot.


Since Kendall, I've learned to appreciate the quiet. I've learned to be still. I've learned that the little every-day miracles are enough to make me feel full. God is first. People are second. Things are last. Period. I think of that as a blessing now. I think it takes some people a lifetime to learn that and truly believe it. I'm only 31. So I've been blessed.

It is still somewhat aggravating that I hated cooking and being in the kitchen, and now I spend the majority of my week preparing meals/feeding Kendall. I hated anything that even resembled a hospital, and now we pretty much spend all our week at therapy or Dr. appointments. I don't shop. I rarely shower in the morning. And my day revolves around my kids' schedules. My sleep revolves around Kendall's. But that's my life.

So, I guess as far as the grieving process goes...(thanks to Grey's Anatomy for the reminder last week!) I'm at the acceptance stage. But I reserve the right to go back through Denial, Anger, Bargaining, and Depression at any time!

{oh, and Holly...you might be at acceptance too! Otherwise, how could we have found humor in the 18 month old at the park pushing his own stroller?!}